Why You Could Be Gaslighting Yourself

Hi dear one, 

It’s been a while since I’ve put finger-to-keyboard (instead of pen to paper, get it!) to just type away my thoughts here. I’ve created this blog section of my website quite a long time ago now, but other things have received the priority. However, I now find myself in an exciting writing course (more on that later, hopefully!) and more than ever, I’m feeling the writing bug. So here goes… 

As these things often go, I found myself yesterday on Instagram stories, speaking about how these past couple of days I’ve been dismissing my own emotions, thoughts and feelings and putting them down to PMS. 

Okay – perhaps I do feel somewhat more sensitive around my luteal and menstrual phase. But why is that immediately labeled as a bad thing, and something that needs to be suppressed? 

I won’t go off on a tangent on the patriarchal structure of society here (hey, you are probably all too familiar with that yourself!) but what I will say is that because of the framework we find ourselves in, our sensitivity as well as our ever changing emotions (whether these are due to our cycle or not) are seen as weak, undesirable and annoying.

This is a result of a culture in which a 24-hour cycle (the male cycle) is followed to a T and where thus little space is left for feeling, leaning in, listening to oneself, flowing with what the day and week brings. In short, it leaves little space for the feminine to come in and exist.

We can see this clearly when we talk about PMS. The conversation around heightened emotions and hormones is shrouded in negativity: ‘is is that time of the month or something?’ when you speak up at home / in the workplace / anywhere really is something we can probably all relate to. 

And the most disempowering thing is, we have subconsciously internalised this. 

I mean, I say ‘we’, but naturally I’m writing from my own reference point. However, if I can go off on the many DMs I received after those story posts, many of you can relate to this.

We have internalised the idea that the way our hormones affect our emotions is a curse, rather than a blessing. 
We have internalised the idea that feeling a lot makes us seem weak. 
We have internalised the idea that crying over ‘seemingly nothing’ during our last and first phase of our cycle is stupid. 

Okay, John from the office may roll his eyes at you and inappropriately wonder which day of your cycle you’re at – simply because you’ve spoken up or spoken out – but that’s a battle for another day. 
What if when you go home, you take a piece of John with you and roll your eyes at yourself as well? (I know, weird analogy, but I hope you’re still with me!) 

I’d love to invite you to shift your perspective on this – just as I’m doing as we speak. 

What if we’re meant to feel more during certain parts of our month?
What if we’re meant to cry ‘for no reason’ because it clears our energy? 
What if our inner season of Winter (based on your cycle) is necessary to release, recalibrate and restore? 

What if everything we’ve been taught about feminine weakness, emotions and PMS is just another stick we get beaten up with – not in the least by ourselves? 
Then the invitation is there to turn to self love. 

Our current ideas around sensitivity, emotions and PMS are disempowering and limiting. These beliefs keep us from embracing our creativity, our intuition, and the importance of traveling through all phases of the cycle with curiousity and compassion, also (and perhaps especially) the darker ones. Because in the end, that will allow you to thrive in your follicular and ovulation phase. 

Just like the moon, we’re not meant to be the same every day.
Don’t make yourself believe you need to. Don’t make yourself believe you need to be more like John. Perhaps John needs to be more like you.