Throughout my life, I have always been labelled the ‘sensitive’ one. As a child, I was often the ‘loud’ one. And in my teens and early twenties, I found myself conforming to the ‘good’ one. Can you relate? 

As women, we’re often labelled ‘too much’ of something. I did not realise how much that label would define my choices, my opinion of myself and my judgment of the world. Being seen as ‘too much’ made me lower my gaze, silence my voice and shrink my energetic presence from a very young age.

In primary school, I was bullied by another girl, resulting in me feeling unsafe on the playground, with my friends and in other social situations. Around this same time, I started to feel the presence of my grandfather, who had passed away a few months earlier. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I started seeing a healer who helped me navigate the energies and entities that started to pay me a visit, hoping to take care of their unfinished business through me. I know this may sound very abstract, and that is exactly how I experienced it back then. I got scared by the inexplicable and (literally) unreasonable explanation for what I felt and saw. I decided to close that door and block my gift. 
Looking back on that now, I feel compassion for the 11-year-old young girl who couldn’t carry the huge burden these energies were putting on her. But I also see something else. I see a subconscious understanding that everything we cannot see but feel needs to be feared, and thus blocked.

I think those years shaped my conditioning more than I can even fathom now. I left parts of my free inner child on that playground and started to lock away my innate intuitive gifts, moving through life from expectation to expectation.

This auto-pilot way of living was put to a halt by a big life event in my early twenties. Before that, I had walked the academic path, graduating with a Bachelor’s in English Literature + Culture before starting work on my Master’s in Book & Digital Media Studies. This was an intensive programme, leaving little space for hobbies – let alone thoughts! 😉 

When I had a rare week off about 4 months into my Master’s and caught my breath for the first time in a good while, my intuition came through loud and clear. She told me – and left little wiggle-room – that I needed to leave my current relationship, move out of our shared apartment, and rebuild my life all over again. Why? I couldn’t tell you at the time. But the voice inside of me grew so loud and strong – in the most loving way – that I knew there wasn’t even a choice. There was only a matter of when. 

This ended up being the renewal of my soul-finding journey. I listened to my deep intuitive voice then, and I continue to listen to her now. In fact, she has become my biggest guide.

She hasn’t just given me the nudge to leave a constricting relationship, but also a numbing 9-5 structure. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.